Monday, December 28, 2009

Avatar = Ferngully + Delgo + unneccessary 3D/ Sigourney Weaver

Okay, so if you've read anything I've written previously about Avatar you would know that I wasn't especially thrilled to see the movie. In fact, I was all prepared to stream it online (like most things that I don't have complete faith in - like the Men Who Stare at Goats ... I was right about that one by the way). So, with only good intentions I loaded up Ninjavideo and snuggled up to watch Avatar only to squint at blurryness until I fell asleep.

Now, maybe it was because I was tired, or just retardely bored with the first 20 minutes of the movie (okay both) but I realized that streaming it in it's shaky-cam state probably wasn't doing the movie any justice. So, I decided to convince Ben to see it at the theatre.

Theatre fail 1: Got out of the car to witness a lineup out the door. Turned around and went home.

Theatre fail 2: Got out of the car, all the way up to the ticket taker - announcement comes on that both 10pm and 10:50pm shows are sold out...on a FUCKING WEDNESDAY night. Turned around and went home.

It was about time to give up when: enter Christmas Day. Ben and I had already done the family thing on the eve, so why not spend one of the most sacred days at the movies!? YAY!! Got in line to get in another line for seats - and finally, my movie experience.

Let me take you through 3 major points of this movie: 1) PRETTY 2) Utter predictability 3) 3D? Seriously?

My good god was I right that this movie had to be seen in theatres. I'm all for pirating the shit out of anything I can, I believe that the movie makers make WAY too much money for usually a sub par product, but this movie just couldn't be seen on through an Avatar (2009) Proper - CAM file. I'm not on the bandwagon that says that the animation is groundbreaking, because it really isn't. The Spirits Within was a movie that was groundbreaking in it's time. Now, although the animation is probably some of the best in the business - I wouldn't call it groundbreaking. But fuck is it ever beautiful. There was a movie that I saw not too long ago that I said the same thing - you don't go to see the acting or the story or any of that crap, you just go to go "wow". And I say the same about Avatar. Everything from the neon light-up plants to the crazy alien monster animals made my eyes go a little wider. It was gorgeous. Although I must say that I got a little tired of the colour blue. Why couldn't there be a nice yellow "native" or at least make them black, cause lets face it, everything from the accents to some of the beliefs in nature pretty much made the "savages" straight out of the African mother land.

2) Utter predictability
DO NOT, I REPEAT: DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE FOLLOWING: Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Delgo, Halo or any Halo related type game movie thing.

I wont even talk about Delgo because I already pointed out the blaring visual similarities here: Ugh, Sometimes Hype Makes Me Sick . I will say though that the story of Delgo and Avatar is completely different BUT that's where Ferngully takes over. Observe:

Ferngully/Avatar: Guy goes to a place (rainforest/pandora), gets transformed (shrunk/Avatar) and can now fit in with the natives (fairies/Na'vi). Rides some trippy creature (dragonfly/Toruk), falls for the hot chick (Crysta/Neytiri), switches sides cause its all about protecting something sacred (beauty of rainforest/pandora) and battles the big bad (Hexxus/Colonel Quaritch). It's seriously the same fucking story. If it wasn't for point #1 then I'd tell you to just go to Blockbuster and rent Ferngully for $2.99 to see the same fucking movie.

If you've seen Halo you've seen the other part of this movie: militarism. That's just about it. Guys running around with guns and authorities that seem like they're on some sort of heavy-duty steroid mix. And while I'm here can I just say that Sigourney Weaver's acting was atrocious? I don't even care if it has nothing to do with point 2 - I was just dying to say it. God, I thought after not acting for how many years, all that acting amazingness was to build up and overflow. Well, just not so. Just not so.

3) 3D? Seriously?
Can I just say that this movie didn't need to be in 3D at all. AT ALL. This is what 3D is to me: SHIT FLYING AT MY FACE! This is what Avatar is to me: NO SHIT FLYING AT MY FACE!

Why is everyone using this medium needlessly? Seriously, if shit isn't flying at your face, don't make it 3D. Just say no. Avatar joins the ranks of the following: Up, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Bolt, Superman Returns, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. All of these movies didn't need to be in 3D, and I think that Avatar would have been just as pretty without the fucking huge 3D glasses affixed to my face and making me feel kinda sick. Plus 3D for almost 3 hours is just fucking cruel. CRUEL I say. I don't even wear my own glasses that long in a day. Seriously. Unless some fucking Pandora insects are swooping around my head - leave 3D to the movies MADE for 3D. Like Shrek 4 *shudder*.

All in all I'm sad to say that I'm glad to have seen this movie. If anything it was visually stunning even if it had no actual plot twists, turns, or really anything interesting. You know what would have been better though? If Sam Worthington's character decided to fall in love with Sigourney Weaver's character instead. OR if he fell in love with the male native who hates him. I dont understand why Cameron is getting such praise for this but so be it. Oh, this movie is ALSO like Dances with Wolves. And Pocahontas. Shit I've seen this movie like 18 times already.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Let me tell you something Facebook

Facebook - where do you get off thinking that I either need to 1) reconnect with friends or 2) get more friends?

Listen, I currently have 304 friends - 30 I talk to on a regular basis, 5 I lurk on a regular basis, 20 are people that I've talked to at one point in my life and MAYBE "like" a link once a month, 5 people are probably pity adds (lets be honest), and the rest I kinda remember from some point in my history.

1) If I need to reconect with friends I'll do it on my own damn timeline. Don't fucking nag at me. Who are you my mom?? No, and you know how I know that? My mom barely knows how to email. So she definitely won't know how to suggest I reconnect with someone who doesn't even have the decency to put up a FB profile picture!

2) Suggest friends? Seriously? You know, you can snoop my cookies for stuff I like to place a zillion ads in the fucking side bar, but for some reason you can't take into account that I probably haven't added these "suggested" friends for a reason. You go right to hell. There is logic to why I haven't reconnected with that girl from high school - she's a bitch...has she changed? Maybe. Do I care? No. No I dont. Why? 'CAUSE I ALREADY HAVE 304 FRIENDS!!

So you know what Facebook? Get off my back. If I happen to remember the name of the girl that I talked to 8 times at a library in grade 9 then I'll take the time to find her, and then still probably not add her...cause really, 304 friends is enough.
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