Japan - 24hrs in transit

You know you never really realize JUST how long 16hrs is until you do it non-stop on a plane. I've been through it before, true, going to Bali but you just never quite remember it. I do have to say though, being 60lbs lighter on a plane does have its advantages. No more being wedged between armrests and being unable to cross legs. Its pretty sweet in that respect. So getting here wasn't all that bad. I managed to fill my time with: Revolutionary road (made me want to slit my wrists with the complementary plastic utensils that came with my lunch, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Hotel for Dogs (WHY is Don Cheadle in this shitty shitty movie?), and something else that's so awesome I cant even remember the name of it - that's how awesomely awesome. Thank god for personal TV's on flights.

And the weirdest shit. Before we could get off the plane - we were asked to pull down the blinds while a medical team came on board to take our temperatures and declare us swine flu free. We were each given surgical masks and this guy came around with a thermal camera (no individual probing necessary).

So, after a 1.5 hr stopover at Narita Airport we boarded our second plane to Osaka where I was served a cold green tea that smelt faintly of urine or fish...or both. Now I'm a lover of green tea in all its forms but I basically took a sip and gave a blank stare to the attendant who was all like: arigato gozimas! And I was all like: I SAID GREEN TEA BITCH NOT FISH PEE! But it was actually all just said in my head and not actually out loud. At how many hours of not sleeping do you start to hallucinate? hmm.


AAAnyway. Now, we had it all preplanned that after we arrived at Osaka Kansai airport we simply find the JR rail route and take one train into Kyoto station. Easy Peasy. Yea, easy peasy IF you have the right destination to start out with. Turns out that we weren't actually at Kansai airport but Osaka International...which is basically on the other side of the city. So, all that preplanning was washed straight down the drain and we had to race to find an info booth before the last train left. This lead Ben to a woman who proceeded to pull out map after map after map...probably about 6 while she kept pointing to places on it and had Ben shaking his head in general confusion. All she really had to do was say: take a left, go down the escalator and get on the bus!

We ended up on this airport limo bus that would take us right into Kyoto station, and we get on and the guy in front of me takes the very last seat so Ben and I are like, okay looks like we have to stand. A minute later the same Japanese man is pulling at my sleeve and pulls down a seat that folds out from a chair and seats you in the aisle. It was so weird! And I think its a fire hazard. But at least I got to sit (not enough of that on the plane!) and had this older Japanese businessman snoring into my ear. Good times.

We finally arrive at our hotel - now before I talk about my hotel let me just say that Ben and I put very little emphasis into accommodations...and I think this just about proves it. Two single beds, a small balcony, an even smaller bathroom. So small in fact that I couldn't get a proper picture of it! But whatever. If anything it is distinctly Japanese, that's for sure!

Okay off to bed while Ben watches Batman Begins in Japanese. Is it possible that Bale sounds even MORE angry in Japanese!? YES!

Oh I see...virtural killing is only wrong when its babies

Apple has "rethought" the decision to allow an iPhone application that lets you shake a baby to death to quiet its crying. the "Baby Shaker" was released on Monday for 99c and shows pictures of babies crying and a stopwatch. So you shake the iPhone to get the baby to stop crying in record time and the baby ends up with little "x's" in its eyes, I guess to signify death.

I have mixed feelings about this one. I mean...shaking babies is wrong. But is shaking virtual babies wrong? Isn't that the same argument as saying that killing people is wrong and yet whenever a new Grand Theft Auto comes out it sells a zillion copies!? See, shaking babies is wrong, but beating hookers to death with a bat? Thats just entertainment!

Or is it that its just plain too accessible? Baby shaking at your fingertips!

Perhaps this is really to stop people from ACTUALLY shaking their babies, like a stress reliever? Either way, how these - and other apps like "beer goggles" and "virtual boobies" get through the Apple filter is beyond me. And why I don't have an iPhone in order to dl these when they're released and play them is also a mystery! What? I'm okay with being a testing ground.

Video of the app in action (its actually really poorly designed. I mean, if you're gonna kill babies at least make it more entertaining than a black and white image) after the jump.

Baby killaz!

WWBCD?

That mean's "What Would Bruce Campbell Do?" because I bet he would have a contingency plan if Zombies were to take over your city. It would probably involve blowing their heads off with a boom stick, sawing off his own hand and going a wee bit crazy but who are we to judge?

Check out Cracked for different suggestions on what to do if you are attacked by a Zombie, or - how to be prepared in case of Zombie attack! Better to be safe than sorry I say.

My contingency plan?
1) See Zombie
2) Throw husband at Zombie
3) Observe Zombie realization that husband has no real brains inside head
4) Run like hell leaving husband to his own devices

I think its a pretty strong plan.

Check out more awesome Zombie pics after the jump

Why? Because playing World of Warcraft 22 hours a day can make you smell like cheetos and regret

The Avant's Santelubain 999 is a futuristic type of shower that does all the dirty scrubbing work for you. The machine shampoo's the body, applies steam, aromatherapy, and can even use seaweed packs. I dont know about you but I'm not about to jump on into that thing so that it can touch my nether regions. It looks like a pervert bot. A pervert bot that wants to scrub me while I lay there and do nothing. Wait...does it come with jets?

Mmmmm…suitable alternatives…

If you’re not a daredevil willing to go to great heights to reach a giant Cadbury egg (read: if you’re a pansy) then this may just do you: Cadbury Crème Egg Ice Cream!!! Basically you chop up a crème egg, throw some milk and some cream into a bowl with sugar (YES MORE SUGAR!!), cocoa, and a wee bit of salt. Throw that amazing concoction into the freezer and BOOM ice-creamy goodness. Or you can just do what I do and stuff 3 crème eggs into your mouth while no one is looking. Okay, so it’s not ice cream but I figure it’s the fastest route to my belly. I’m not too keen on the whole process of mixing and freezing and waiting. It just takes up too much precious eating time!

Twilight Fans Just Got Sadder...

I think this may turn into some sort of angst-ridden tween girl jihad! Apparently diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are now waging war against non-bad dialogue vampire loving people (Anti’s) for talking smack about their beloved series. Now, there’s a discussion board collecting the cases of Twihards verbally attacking Anti’s with various objects, weapons and sexual harassment (no I’m not joking).

Now, I know what it’s like to be a diehard fan of a vampire series, that I can relate to – declaring all out bitch-slappin’ war on those who didn’t agree with me, that may be a little too far up the ladder of crazy. Ways to recognize if your teen daughter, sister, or YOU (Jenn P) is completely insane and participating in internet ranting, eventually leading to the need for an intervention:

1)They spend too much time on the Twilightsucks discussion forum posting things like: THEIR LOVE IS A TRUE AND PURE LOVE!!!

2)They get really REALLY angry when they read a comment like “LOLZ. Robert Pattinson is hella lamez” and feel the need to “sit on someone’s throat while beating their lower half with a bat”

3)They clutch their Twilight book to their chest and scream “You don’t know ANYTHING about literature!!!” when you say “I didn’t really dig the book”

4)They start throwing real rocks at you…instead of harmless internet ones…c’mon people! I’m just trying to surf the net here!

All Celebrate the Killing of Christ! And in other Easter news...

But he does leave those delicious Cadbury Crème Eggs. I want one. Now. In my belly. :0 <-insert here.

Speaking of! Wondering how our giant Crème Egg is doing? Well check it out here and go to “watch”. Now it looks perilously close to being split in two…but it also looks like some splatter up there. Now you can’t really tell whether that’s paint or delicious creamy filling, but I’m going to go with my gut (my gut being denial) and find some way to scale the side of the hard rock café holding a spoon between my teeth.

If I don’t show up to work on Tuesday you’ll know why: I’m now living in the egg until I’ve sucked that thing dry…or died from paint ingestion.