Thursday, April 23, 2009

Oh I see...virtural killing is only wrong when its babies

Apple has "rethought" the decision to allow an iPhone application that lets you shake a baby to death to quiet its crying. the "Baby Shaker" was released on Monday for 99c and shows pictures of babies crying and a stopwatch. So you shake the iPhone to get the baby to stop crying in record time and the baby ends up with little "x's" in its eyes, I guess to signify death.

I have mixed feelings about this one. I mean...shaking babies is wrong. But is shaking virtual babies wrong? Isn't that the same argument as saying that killing people is wrong and yet whenever a new Grand Theft Auto comes out it sells a zillion copies!? See, shaking babies is wrong, but beating hookers to death with a bat? Thats just entertainment!

Or is it that its just plain too accessible? Baby shaking at your fingertips!

Perhaps this is really to stop people from ACTUALLY shaking their babies, like a stress reliever? Either way, how these - and other apps like "beer goggles" and "virtual boobies" get through the Apple filter is beyond me. And why I don't have an iPhone in order to dl these when they're released and play them is also a mystery! What? I'm okay with being a testing ground.

Video of the app in action (its actually really poorly designed. I mean, if you're gonna kill babies at least make it more entertaining than a black and white image) after the jump.

Baby killaz!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


That mean's "What Would Bruce Campbell Do?" because I bet he would have a contingency plan if Zombies were to take over your city. It would probably involve blowing their heads off with a boom stick, sawing off his own hand and going a wee bit crazy but who are we to judge?

Check out Cracked for different suggestions on what to do if you are attacked by a Zombie, or - how to be prepared in case of Zombie attack! Better to be safe than sorry I say.

My contingency plan?
1) See Zombie
2) Throw husband at Zombie
3) Observe Zombie realization that husband has no real brains inside head
4) Run like hell leaving husband to his own devices

I think its a pretty strong plan.

Check out more awesome Zombie pics after the jump

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Why? Because playing World of Warcraft 22 hours a day can make you smell like cheetos and regret

The Avant's Santelubain 999 is a futuristic type of shower that does all the dirty scrubbing work for you. The machine shampoo's the body, applies steam, aromatherapy, and can even use seaweed packs. I dont know about you but I'm not about to jump on into that thing so that it can touch my nether regions. It looks like a pervert bot. A pervert bot that wants to scrub me while I lay there and do nothing. Wait...does it come with jets?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Mmmmm…suitable alternatives…

If you’re not a daredevil willing to go to great heights to reach a giant Cadbury egg (read: if you’re a pansy) then this may just do you: Cadbury Crème Egg Ice Cream!!! Basically you chop up a crème egg, throw some milk and some cream into a bowl with sugar (YES MORE SUGAR!!), cocoa, and a wee bit of salt. Throw that amazing concoction into the freezer and BOOM ice-creamy goodness. Or you can just do what I do and stuff 3 crème eggs into your mouth while no one is looking. Okay, so it’s not ice cream but I figure it’s the fastest route to my belly. I’m not too keen on the whole process of mixing and freezing and waiting. It just takes up too much precious eating time!

Twilight Fans Just Got Sadder...

I think this may turn into some sort of angst-ridden tween girl jihad! Apparently diehard Twilight fans (Twihards) are now waging war against non-bad dialogue vampire loving people (Anti’s) for talking smack about their beloved series. Now, there’s a discussion board collecting the cases of Twihards verbally attacking Anti’s with various objects, weapons and sexual harassment (no I’m not joking).

Now, I know what it’s like to be a diehard fan of a vampire series, that I can relate to – declaring all out bitch-slappin’ war on those who didn’t agree with me, that may be a little too far up the ladder of crazy. Ways to recognize if your teen daughter, sister, or YOU (Jenn P) is completely insane and participating in internet ranting, eventually leading to the need for an intervention:

1)They spend too much time on the Twilightsucks discussion forum posting things like: THEIR LOVE IS A TRUE AND PURE LOVE!!!

2)They get really REALLY angry when they read a comment like “LOLZ. Robert Pattinson is hella lamez” and feel the need to “sit on someone’s throat while beating their lower half with a bat”

3)They clutch their Twilight book to their chest and scream “You don’t know ANYTHING about literature!!!” when you say “I didn’t really dig the book”

4)They start throwing real rocks at you…instead of harmless internet ones…c’mon people! I’m just trying to surf the net here!

All Celebrate the Killing of Christ! And in other Easter news...

But he does leave those delicious Cadbury Crème Eggs. I want one. Now. In my belly. :0 <-insert here.

Speaking of! Wondering how our giant Crème Egg is doing? Well check it out here and go to “watch”. Now it looks perilously close to being split in two…but it also looks like some splatter up there. Now you can’t really tell whether that’s paint or delicious creamy filling, but I’m going to go with my gut (my gut being denial) and find some way to scale the side of the hard rock café holding a spoon between my teeth.

If I don’t show up to work on Tuesday you’ll know why: I’m now living in the egg until I’ve sucked that thing dry…or died from paint ingestion.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Ahem...I Have a Birthday Coming Up

If you know me, you know I love bacon and if a=b, b=c then c therefore equals me having a hard on for these shoes.

They're so fucking sweet. They're called "Ninja craves bacon". And you can fully pimp them custom style on I'm currently making mine black...because Ninja's eat bacon at night, before a good maiming. And with maple syrup. They're dangerous like that.

Fuck I'm hungry...

Twitter is So Out

So if you're just catching on to Twitter now then I just want to let you know its already passe. Enter Flutter, taking microblogging to the next level with nanoblogging! Can't summarize your thoughts in only 26 characters or less? Well then its time to turn off your computer and call it a day. You just can't keep up with the times you pathetic excuse for a social networker. Yea that's right...go get that noose...yep...stand on the chair...okay fine, you can tweet one more time - quitter.

Yes I May Pay Money for it

Okay so I am officially in love with the new Sacha Baron Cohen movie trailer. Bruno just looks funny - in that annoying everyone will impersonate him until I want to punch them in the face sort of way. Check it out

Well Hello Mr. Blog

Stemming from the exhaustion of constantly trying to write for other people - I finally broke down and started my own blog. What does this mean? That I am fully aware that this is one in a zillion blogs, that what I write won't necessarily make an impact in the grand scheme of things, that I won't be making money off of my rantings, that my personal creative process isn't always witty but is more than 140 twitter characters, and that I just plain want to write about shit that interests me.

So here we go, walking down a path of least redemption.

I'm so fucking deep.
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